Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
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