The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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