somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
