Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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