Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
