I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Randomize
