Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
