yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
vagina is talking i cant
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
