The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
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