You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize