i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Randomize
