Only a mothe r could love this liver
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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