Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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