At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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