Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
