You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
We're too hungover to prance.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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