worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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