a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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