we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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