Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
