I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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