Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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