I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I lost the right to judge tonight
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
