you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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