There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
