No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
