I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize