Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
