Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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