I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
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