i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
