there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
