I got chris browned last night
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
