I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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