there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
