That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
