Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
