I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
