Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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