Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
