i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
