You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
