I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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