Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Randomize
