It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
