I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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