I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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