Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Just cropdusted the office
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
the room spins SO much faster in panama
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
