thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
