When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
