I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I just cut my nipple shaving
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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