Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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