omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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