You really coming over, don't trick.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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