Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
