i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
