can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
barbara walters just said penis...
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize