your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
