Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
After tacos, we're chasing women.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
