when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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