new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize