Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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