im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
