If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
