yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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