My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
