In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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