Only a mothe r could love this liver
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
My vagina just recognized that song.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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