wat bout pragnant strippers??
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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