I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
