theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
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