if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
