How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Randomize
