also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Randomize
