I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
